Drunken Faun - Something About a Flute

Dear Drunken Faun,

In all these pictures of you that I've seen you're sometimes holding a flute or a pan pipe of some type.  Are you a professional or is this just a passing hobby?

With utmost curiosity,
Natam Muidos

Dear Natshead Mayonnaise,

What pictures?!  You say that like you've seen me around a lot.  Well, I guess that's not too far off...I am very popular at parties. High society stuff.  I'm kinda like the fun everyone had ya know?

Leola: (snickers)

What?  I am.  That's where that flute and pipe come in at.  Once I show up the party has just beginning!  I rock that shit!  Normally, I troll in while the waiter's not looking, sneak under a table or two and then the house is a rockin'!

Jackie:  So you sneak into parties?  I think I have more respect for you now.

Leola:  I know!  When do you do all this?

When I drug you guys with a couple of those pills in Leola's bag.

Jackie & Leola:  ......soooo....

Ah...don't worry.  All they do is make you fun to watch drool around on the floor and then pass out while talking about fixing something or some design you came up with that might be good or solving the problem to some math thing which is cool cause you two don't know shit about math so that's impressive.  Then I just take the car and drive to the other end of town where all the parties are.

Jackie:  Wait, wait!  You not only drug us while at our most creative peak, but then you steal the cars to go where exactly?

Leola:  And let it be known that I hate you and I will eventually kill you later.

Good luck.  But, yeah, it's out there in town where I met this homeless guy and we sat around trying to catch pigeons.  I have this thing with pigeons ever since I was a young faun...or was that girls?  Nah, I think it was girls...is there another name for those?

Jackie:  ANYWAY!  Car, where did you take the car?

Oh yeah, it was this place down in town and I found this kid laying in a bush and I thought "Man, I can't pass that up!" and BAM I threw him in the trunk and drove to this party that I got from a flyer in his shirt pocket...

Leola:  So we're up to grand theft auto...

Jackie:  ...and kidnapping.  Well we're going to jail.

That was where the party was at!  And I took out my pipe, which is a funny story...you know, how I got it.  I was corralling some fillies one day in...well, that's not important, and I came across this other sleeping faun who had this pipe looking thing that I just couldn't pass up...

Jackie:  Seeing a trend.

...and then I was able to play the music and see the music too.  It was special times.

Leola:  I have another name for it but still...where is the car?

At this place called Impound.  I think it's a club or something.  Lucky.  That's probably the best place to go.  Impound, it even sounds cool.

Jackie:  Better yet, which car?

Leola:  (picking up machete) Yes, which?

Relax!  It wasn't those two bastard cars of yours.  I stole this one from...someone...I can't remember.  But whatever, I hope they start looking for it soon cause my drinking buddy's in the trunk still.  But I did remember to take the flutes out.  I almost scared myself there!  So to answer...yes.  i have both flutes and pipes and they are not a habbilty.

Jackie: A what?

Habbitality.  Whatever she said...that word and stuff.

Leola:  The Impound said the guy was unconscious with what looked like pixie dust on his nose.

That bastard!

Drunken Faun - Medusa...It's Been Awhile

 Dear Getrunken Faun, 

Lately I've been struggling to give my scales the extra shine they need. Would you suggest Turtle Wax or Crisco? 

Medusa Gorgon

Hey Medusa...what's up baby?  Long time no see.  I guess that's kinda my fault, you know..me roaming around the place with these two bitches.  So, I hope there's no misunderstandings about letting Perseus in that time cause I thought he was a olive oil delivery boy...cause I know how nice a shiny those scales of yours get when you use it.

Leola: So you actually met Medusa?  For real?  Not lying like you did when you said you met the guy who invented the wheel when EVERYONE knew that was a fallacy.

I don't think I like it when you call me phallic even though that is a very accurate term.

Jackie: That...is disgusting!

Anyway your breaking into a heartfelt reunion...reconcilitating time with my snake..girl.  I really like her...she really kinky when she frolics.

Leola:  I've had enough. Could you please just answer the question...in a very..not you way?

Oh sure, since I might have a chance to be apart of the answer later I'll give my opinion.  I wouldn't go with Turtle Wax cause it tastes bad and it leaves the shiny objects a little less shiny since you have to use the tongue to get it off.

Jackie:  Is there nothing you say that isn't revolting in some way or fashion?

And Crisco is nice but it makes you smell like bacon later...which isn't a bad thing if that's what your going for but just to warn you I don't like sharing my breakfast if you catch my drift.

Leola: I would like to thank you for making me thinner at least.

Someone better, cause I don't see much else working.

Leola: (picks up knife)

Jackie:  Not on the carpet!

That's what she said.

Leola:  You went there!  How could you do that!  That is so cheap!

Jackie:  Stop giving him fodder!

But yeah...olive oil baby.  Don't mess up a good thing.  Like how it slithered down my hoof and you had all those cool art statues everywhere and you had those broken mirrors and stuff.  I miss that and I'm pretty sure I could steal some olive oil from the pantry...I saw some in there when they locked me in after I chewed on the cable wires.  I like the sparkiness, sorta like bacon rinds...I miss you honey.

Leola: Did he drink the lighter fluid again?

Jackie:  Nope...kerosene.

Was that it?  I thought it said Kool Aid.