Leola: So, back at club 'Buffet' Jackie and I were in the process of getting sloshed. Because we were in Miami and it seemed as good an excuse as any.
Are you done with your little pre-story now?
Jackie: Shut up! I have heard the word 'mamacita' so many times in the past half hour that I'm ready to slit your throat with this glass...that I'm about to break on this bar....
Why MY throat?
Jackie: Because you're the one that drug us down here to find some goat sucking fake vampire.
He's not fake. He's Russian.
Some Random Cuban: You...know...Chupacabra?
Jackie: You say that like it's the Pope.
Well, he's kind of like, the owner of this place. Here. In this town....Cubaland.
Leola: M.I.A.M.I. Yes, it's an acronym for something that I cannot put on this site.
So, oh smart, great, smelly cuban guy. Where can I find this dude, he's really pretty and has like, this mixed up accent and likes to wear girls tights and fluffy pants and-
Cuban Guy: Oh, Senorita Chupacabra.
No, he's a guy, but he is kinda fruity, so we'll go with yes. Senorita Chupacabra. So......Donde?
Cuban Guy: (Along with his modgepodge of fellow vampire devotees) points to a beautiful balconied house on the next street. ' Senoritaaaaa Chupacabreeeee'
Leola: Wow, it's like a Gregorian chant with rolling r's.
Yeah, it's like a musical of sunbaked toaster pasteries. Makes you feel all warm inside.
Voice from above: Shut the hell up! I told you I'm not a bloody girl!
Jackie& Leola: God?
Okay, let's just put something straight like right now, I'm the drunk one here! You bitches better learn that I am the...the...Gimme a bottle of something damnit!
Jackie & Leola: (Momentarily distracted by the apperance of the much sought after vampire, rush to him and hug him) Please say something that makes sense!
Armand: What?
Jackie: Say like, the sky is blue, or bacon tastes good, or one sock never comes back from the trip to the dryer.
Armand: The sky is black, I don't eat bacon and I don't like socks.
Jackie: Good enough.
Leola: Oh my God, you are really pretty.
Armand: If I had a nickle for every time I was hit on by a man,
Then you could buy yourself more people to tell you how pretty you are.
Armand: (Rolls eyes) Ugh.
Leola: Wait, aren't you gay? So, wouldn't you like it when guys hit on you?
Armand: Have you seen my selection?
Jackie: No, but we've seen your fanclub.
Armand: I hope that you two are more reasonable when you're sober.
No, in fact, they're lame as hell. I give 'em all these great ideas and they don't want to do any of it. They suck. Like you, but only in the metaphorical way, not like, you know, with your mouth.....I need more liquor damnit! I haven't made sense in years!
Armand: Why are you here? You made my life a living hell for half a century and almost emptied my bank account allong with my sanity!
Leola: We go inside now!
Jackie: I really like your shoes.
Armand: Yes, thank you, please, come inside.
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