Monday, December 27, 2010

Drunken Faun - Vampire Days Part 3

As we walked into the foyer, showers of petals began to fall from the top balconies.

Leola ( lounging on the stairs) Wow...How much do you have to pay for this every night?

Armand: Oh Jesus, they got in the house again...They're like cockroaches...or Raccoons.

Jackie: And sir, I'd watch out for those droppings.

Armand: Ugh! Vulgar! Policio! Policio! Immigration!

Suddenly a cacophony of skittering was heard as dozens of Cubans ran from the house.


Armand: It's the only thing that seems to work. (Sighs sadly and shakes his head) I am reduced to this.

Where...Oh shit, why are we here?

Jackie: Because you said he owes you something...

Leola: Like....something that I can't remember that we drove all the way here for and it seemed stupid....but I really like this place.

Armand: Have some water. PLEASE!

Jackie and Leola: Does it have liquor in it?

Armand: Yes! It has a special liquor in it, one you can't even taste! Drink up!

See! They're stupid! Even I know water dosen't have liquor in it!

Armand: Shut up! (Shoves vodka bottle at Drunken Faun)

Heeyyyy....You don't suck that bad now...

Armand: Didn't I bury you in a hole in the 17hundreds? You should have stayed there.

Well, I still have those photos, of you and-

Armand: I will not have it! Out!

After my nap....

Armand: Bloody Hell... Where are those girls?

(Echoes from upstairs) I love this jacket!
OOOhhhh! Lace!


Armand: Ava maria (Crosses himself and procedes upstairs)

Jackie and Leola: (Pops heads out of closet)

Jackie: Don't worry, we're completely sober now.

Leola: You have a fantastically awesome wardrobe!

Armand: Why, thank you. (Flopps helplessly on bed)

Jackie: Aww, what's wrong? (Crawls on bed)

Leola: You can tell us (Pets his head)

Armand: Just keep petting my hair.

Drunken Faun(Stumbles in) I don't want to see that shit you guys! That's just wrong! Sick and Wrong!

Jackie: What's wrong?

Leola:We're wearing like, three jackets...

Jackie: And this Fedora...

Leola: I like these shoes.

Fedora! That was the name of my child!

(Stunned Silence abounds)

Armand:You spawned with something?

Well, yeah, you remember that chick, hell you don't remember jack shit, I don't even remember!

Armand: Dare I ask what happened to the...product of that illustrious union?

It's under a bridge somewhere...

Jackie and Leola: uuughhh!

Armand: My reaction is silent, for the pain has paralyzed me. Here, (Digs in his pocket) I will give you this for your pain and suffering. (Hands them $20)

That' my twenty bucks!

Jackie and Leola: Screw off, this is for pain and suffering.

Armand: Nonsence, just throw him a bottle and tell him he spent it on a hooker.

Yeah, that's what you did, in't that how you got here, huh? Hooker!

Armand: I'll give you a three second start...it wouldn't be sporting without....

Jackie and Leola: I got $20 bucks on Armand!

Armand: They're now my girls.

Fuck....

Jackie: Yeah! He pays us back!

Leola: And he smells nice...not like goat butt.

Like you know what that smells like,

Leola:It's in my face every fucking morning!

Armand.....three....

Fuck you!

Armand.....two.....

Dill hole! (Hauls ass to the car)

Armand: Fuck sportsmanship.

-In conclusion, yes, we got the twenty dollars. And a good romp out of it!

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